for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
