i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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