In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this will be a night to untag.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
