yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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