found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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