Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
