His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
