....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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