That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
