So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
