I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
