maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
