I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
