grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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