he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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