I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
