Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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