I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
