so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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