I want to make a zoo with you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
