Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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