Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Acid is not a monday night drug
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
