Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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