apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
