hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
