I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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