I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
