My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
