i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
