Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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