1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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