I want to make a zoo with you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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