So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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