I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
