She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
