I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize