Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
