i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
