I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
