Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
