life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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