I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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