ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You made out with two different species that night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
