Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
