I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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