felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
