This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Mom said you looked used
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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