So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
