Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
