Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's the barista slut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
