No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
