he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize