dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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