I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize