while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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