I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
