my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
