He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
