I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
