your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
