pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
two words: eviction party
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
