i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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