at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize