i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
