She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
